Khutba: Communication Amongst Spouses30. July 2021
Dear Brothers and Sisters!
Allah (swt), After creating Adam (as), he also created Hawa (as). In the Qur’an, Allah (swt) says: “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
Dear Brothers and Sisters!
According to the verse we read, marriage is a bond that brings peace, love and mercy. However, reaching this ideal does not happen by coincidence. On the contrary, this level can only be reached if both spouses make serious efforts. Social skills and especially healthy communication form the basis of these efforts. In this context, attention should be paid to the natural differences and individual characteristics between men and women. In the field of communication psychology, five main communication languages are discussed under the name of “love languages”. In this context, it is stated that the communication language of each person is different.
One of the love languages is words of approval, that is, verbally complimenting the other person, expressing their appreciation and love. Although it is not very correct to make a generalisation, we see that women value this issue more. Therefore, expressing one’s love more often in order to make one’s spouse happy will positively affect the marriage.
Another love language is quality togetherness, that is, spending quality time together in an environment where there are no distractions. Between work and daily duties, this issue can often be neglected. Therefore, coldness and lack of communication can enter between the spouses. Paying attention to this issue for the sake of Allah will bring us peace in this world and rewards in the hereafter, insha’Allah.
Another love language is giving gifts. It is important that gifts are not always expensive, but that they come from the heart and are chosen thoughtfully. The Prophet (saw) said in this context: “You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.”
The fourth love language is acts of service. This includes the services that we naturally meet in our daily lives, such as working to support the family and preparing food to feed the family. In this context, expressing our appreciation towards our spouses will undoubtedly contribute positively to our communication. In addition, paying attention to body hygiene and clothing selection is also included in this circle. Companion Ibn Abbas (r.a.) said: “I love to adorn myself and smarten up for my wife just as I desire her to adorn herself for me, for Allah Ta’ala says, ‘And [women] have rights similar to those that [men have over them which should be fulfilled] with kindness.” The fifth love language is physical contact. This is not just sexual relations but, embracing etc. includes physical contact. Especially in this regard, paying attention to mutual needs is one of the conditions of a successful marriage.
At the beginning of the situations that negatively affect the communication between spouses are disasters such as not listening to the other party, constantly complaining, not expressing criticism constructively or not at all, not appreciating the good deeds done. If we want our communication with our spouses to be healthy, we should stay away from these negative behaviours and be ready to listen to the other side and accept appropriate criticism. Let’s end the Khutba with this hadeeth: “The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.”
May Allah (swt) make us among his servants with superior morals and grant us the best behaviour towards our wives. Ameen.